Forbidden
by Kenken Chaan
Summary: Her eyes always failed to see the truth. Even though it was always there. And when she finally saw it, she realized how much of a grave mistake she committed, falling for someone too far away to reach - or so she believed, because she never expected the outcome of her acts to bring her back to life. Levi x Mikasa / Eren x Annie. High school AU.
1. Prologue

**A/N: **Hello! Some of you have probably already read my fanfic _Forbidden Love _which I published long time ago and haven't updated. But now that I realized how much I wanted to finish it, here I'm rewriting it all over again. This is a prologue, it's short and barely got any RivaMika in it. The RivaMika trip will start in the first chapter, obviously. Also having EreAni as a side pair.

* * *

**_ FORBIDDEN_**

* * *

**Prologue**

_"Mikasa, there's something I want to tell you."_

Her eyes wouldn't look at his face the same way again. Her heart wouldn't beat for him anymore. And her ears couldn't deny the words she heard coming from him. And if her heartbeats were to be heard, he could have listened to the saddest music that a broken heart had ever played.

_"I…"_

She could still hold on to the string of hope. It still wasn't cut as long as he hadn't said it yet. She could still wish for him to say the words she'd been longing for him to say.

_"I have…I have feelings for Annie."_

She could no longer hope, dream, or wish. Her fears had always been real; she was never wrong. She saw everything with her own eyes; she saw the way he looked at _her_, the way his face would flush whenever she passed by, the way he'd talk to her. She saw _everything_, and knew very well, they were not meant to be.

_"I was wondering if you could…talk to her for me."_

_Why me? _She wanted to ask. _Why me, Eren? _Her lips parted, but nothing could be heard. _You really have no idea…_ She looked at him, seeking for an answer to the unspoken questions in her eyes. _How much I love you - always did…? _She needed to cry, but not in his presence. She would never let him see how far he had broken her heart. _How can you ask me…to help you get with another girl, when my heart was only beating for you? Are you really…are you really that **blind**?_

_"Of course, as long as it doesn't bother you…So, what do you say?" _

_No. I can't, because I love you. _"Okay." She buried her sadness within her heart and forced the word out of her mouth, swallowing the urge to tell him her true feelings, to let him know how mistaken he was; asking her such a thing. But she knew, she knew Eren too well; he would never be able to look at her the same way, and there was no way she would risk the only right she had left with him, the only source of satisfaction she would ever get from him.

* * *

She couldn't go back home that day, not with him. Her legs failed to carry her out of the high school grounds and she used the wall for support to lean her back against it, her nails scratching its hardness. And just as if heavens could hear the sound of her heart falling apart and scattering into unfixable pieces, a couple of raindrops began to fall to partner her loneliness, and she let her tears finally out, mixing with a raindrop while rolling along her cheek .

Her hair and uniform were fully drenched when she came to observe the figure that stood in front of her, holding an umbrella above her head and sheltering her from the rain. Of all people, it was the one she despised the most, her math teacher. The grumpiest teachers she had ever seen, and whom she never liked since the first meeting. He, of all teachers who could have found her, of all people who had passed by and saw her, was the only one who approached her. _Why?_

"If you don't have an umbrella, have mine. You'll get sick if you stay under the rain, go home." The older man spoke and she raised her head to stare at him. "Are you waiting for someone?" He asked, but she didn't answer. She was rather lost in thoughts, mixed thoughts, so many questions to even give an answer to the others. _Why is he offering me his umbrella? Why is he acting nice to me out of a sudden? _"Do you need a drive, Mikasa?" _Why did he call me by my name? _

And just with the rain fall, her eyes were washed and opened to a new sight she never saw in him. The image of the grumpy, nonchalant teacher she drew of him in her head and stuck into her mind were no longer there. They fell along with the fantasies she had built about Eren, all at once in one day.

She just realized that life never looked the same when painted with the truth she'd been blinded from. Life was never the same way she saw it before. And beyond all those lies she'd been forcing on herself, she was broken since a very long time, and just now she realized it.

Her hand brushed against the man's when taking the umbrella from his hand, and just then, she felt the warmth he'd been keeping from everyone. Behind the mask he always wore, he was gentle. And just like she would never look at Eren the same way, she also knew that she could no longer look at _him _the same way, Mr. Levi; her most hated teacher, was now a wholly new person in her eyes.

* * *

**A/N: **Hope you enjoyed this short prologue. Will try writing the first chapter as soon as possible.


	2. Chapter I: Tenderness

**A/N: **Yoo! I know some of you have been waiting for this for a while now. Sorry for not posting the first chapter earlier. I was having a writers block. Anyway, here is the first chapter. Hope you'll enjoy it.

I also feel the need to say after the confirmation of Levi's age to be 30+. I never really saw a problem with the age gap between Levi and Mikasa in the first place, and I will clarify that in this fanfic he's going to be 36, while Mikasa is 16. Just wanted to let you know in case you don't feel comfortable with age-gap relationships. It's going to be a teacher x student fic, so it isn't really surprising either.

* * *

**_FORBIDDEN_**

* * *

**Chapter I: **_Tenderness_

"Mikasa!"

There was a familiar, soft voice calling her out of her absent-mindedness. Her best friend, Armin, spotted her sitting alone, looking lost and demoralized. Concerned, he broke through her loneliness and approached her, taking a seat by her side.

"Aren't you going back to class?" He asked.

"I will—in a bit." Her eyes didn't meet his, and he figured out something was wrong after hearing her tone.

"Eren…" He spoke, and he saw the way her eyes opened slightly wider at the mention of Eren's name. "He told you, didn't he?" _He knew?_ "…About Annie." _He knew_, "He's such an idiot. He shouldn't have told you, but I guess…it's helpless, isn't it? Eren has always been an idiot." He placed his hands on each side of the seat, straightening his back and looking up. "You knew even before he tells you. So please, Mikasa, don't be upset."

"He—He asked me to…help him get with her." She finally spoke her pain out, revealing to her dear friend the thing that hurt her the most: being asked to help the boy she loved to get with another girl. And she _agreed_ to.

"Oh? And what did you tell him?" He frowned, his disappointment in Eren reaching higher.

"I can't say 'no' to him, Armin." She wanted but she couldn't. Never could she refuse doing something for Eren, even If it was causing her to be broken.

"You should, though. Mikasa, Eren has no idea what you're going through. You shouldn't be suffering for his sake." His eyes landed on her again, narrowing in irritation for having two friends, each is dumber than the other.

"No. It doesn't matter. As long as Eren is happy, I am happy." There was a sad smile tugging on her lips for a second before vanishing and drawing a frown instead.

"Wrong. So wrong! Your happiness doesn't depend on Eren's. Your happiness depends on you, Mikasa." Armin shot a glare over at his friend, his tone rising in a sharp voice, "You live for your own, not for others. People aren't going to be happy for your sake. If they're happy, it's for them. Be a little selfish and search for _your _happiness, Mikasa." Armin placed his hand over Mikasa's, patting it comfortingly.

"I can't just get rid of feelings I've been having for him since a long time—"

"Someone who can't throw something important away, can never hope to change anything, Mikasa."

Mikasa at last met his eyes with hers, wide open. She stared into them, building up his words in her head, and finally asked, "You're hurt, too, aren't you?"

"Huh?" He was a bit surprised by her question, but quickly turned his gaze away from her.

"I know you like Annie." She added, turning her hand and squeezing her friend's, "Or else, you wouldn't understand how I feel."

"Just like you, I knew Annie liked Eren. I knew he liked her, too, which is why I didn't say anything." He admitted, tightening his hold around the girl's hand. "I'm not asking you to confess your feelings to him. I'm asking you to cheer up. Don't let this put you down. This is life, you don't get what you want, but you shouldn't give up."

"I—I don't know. Eren has always been the only one in my life—I can't just let him go."

"You can if you want to." He squeezed her hand. "You can, Mikasa. You can let your feelings for him go. He doesn't deserve them, and you know it." He chuckled. "He can still be your family, like he always has been."

"Armin—I can't."

"Don't be a downer, Mikasa. You're not in this alone. Eren is my friend, too. We've been friends even before you meet him, and yet he couldn't figure out I had feelings for the girl he liked, nor could he see that he was hurting his best friend. If anything,_ I_ should be upset, not you. But I'm not, because I know Eren very well. You know him, too, so don't tell me you weren't expecting this."

"I knew, but I wasn't ready."

"A soldier is always ready, Mikasa. Sure, they don't know when the enemy is going to attack, but they're expecting to be attacked either way. And whenever that happens, they're going to give it their best shot and fight. You were expecting this, it happened and now you should face it instead of waving your white flag and declaring withdrawal."

She kept silent, and he sighed.

"Not being ready is _not _an excuse, Mikasa. Life isn't going to ask you, 'Hey! Are you up for some very bad news? I'm going put you through some serious shit and make you miserable, but it's okay if you're not ready. We can wait.'" He tried to keep a sarcastic tone while saying that, attempting to make her smile at least.

She managed to laugh a bit at his words.

"Now get up. We're going to miss our class!" The blond boy stood up and pulled the girl with him. "It's just a phase, trust me. You'll get through this."

* * *

"Wow! Kirschtein, I should be considered a lucky teacher to have such a talented student attending my class."

Petra Ral, the art teacher, also the teacher everyone else was in love with. She was always known of being optimistic, cheering her students and encouraging them to follow their hobbies and dreams. She often allowed them express themselves the way they pleased after a tough math class with Mr. Levi. She knew very well he was a strict teacher, so she was doing her best to change the mood for her students, although she admired Levi a lot. He was an amazing teacher, but most of the students seemed to hate him. She was pretty much the opposite of him. She was the students' favorite teacher. No one hated her, ever.

"T-Thanks, Ms. Ral."

Jean Kirschtein, Horseface by Eren, everyone was aware of the big crush he had on Mikasa, as well as his failed attempts to ask her out on a date. Jean often had arguments with Eren, which was one of the reasons Mikasa never really liked him back. However, Armin and Jean were good friends. Armin was usually the one to stand between him and Eren whenever a new argument started.

"I-Is it okay to come in, Ms. Ral?" Armin asked in a nervous tone. He and Mikasa were late for class, apparently.

"Mr. Arlert, Ms. Ackerman, since you guys are one of my good students, I'll excuse you this time. Go take your seats now."

"Thanks Ms. Ral."

"Thank you."

"Mr. Kirschtein, how about you show Ms. Ackerman what you drew for her?"

"Uh! S-Sure." Even though Jean wasn't considered that close to Mikasa, she did appreciate his talent as an artist. He often drew portraits of her, and he also gave her one as a birthday present. She was keeping it still in her bedroom, hanged on the wall opposite to her door. She'd glance at it often before falling asleep.

This time wasn't any different. Jean was improving, and each of his drawings was better than the other. He handed Mikasa the drawing, and surprisingly, Mikasa found it quite familiar. It was a drawing of her, standing under the rain, leaning against the wall. Mikasa gazed up at him with a questioning look. He blushed and looked away.

"I—I'm sorry. I wasn't stalking you or anything…I was passing by and saw you there. I was coming to ask if something was wrong, but then I saw Mr. Levi talking to you, and then you left with him so—I didn't have a chance to talk to you." He scratched the back of his head, nervously meeting her gaze. "I hope you're feeling better today."

"I'm alright…Thanks." She held the drawing up to him, but he shook his head and smiled.

"Keep it." He nodded his head at her, and then went back to his seat. And just at that moment, for the first time in forever, Mikasa felt somewhat bad. Jean was a nice boy—a very nice boy, yet she kept on rejecting him.

"You went with Mr. Levi?" Eren, who got extremely curious after hearing Jean's talk, leaned closer to Mikasa's seat to ask. "You never said that when you got back home yesterday."

"Uh! It was nothing." She sighed then placed the drawing inside one of her books.

"Actually, it is. You hate Mr. Levi, so why did you go with him?" If he recalled clearly, she was cursing him only yesterday for kicking Eren out of his class.

"It was raining. I got soaked. He offered to drive me home, and I thought it would be rude to say no."

"You thought it would be rude—you're always rude to him, though."

"Today's lesson was important. I didn't want to miss it because of catching cold."

"What a nerd." She glared at his words. "You still got home late. Why?"

At Eren's question, Mikasa paused to a flashback from yesterday.

* * *

_"_**Do you need a drive, Mikasa?**_"_

_The tone he was using was new to her._

_The look he was wearing was also new to her._

**_He _**_was completely new to her._

_"_**No—I…don't.**_"__She saw him gaze at her, as if he was trying to look into her soul, to see through her coldness, and it made her chest ache, because __**what if he could?**_

_"_**…****If you say so.**_"_ _He turned around and walked away then. She thought he was gone, and she exhaled for finally being alone, but she didn't move. She wasn't ready yet to go home._

_Her state was a mixture of confusion and loss. Her eyes were seeing everything fresh new, different and clear, but so confusing. The truth was so confusing._

_"_**Get in…**_" __It was him again, Mr. Levi, and this time he brought his car and came back. He didn't leave her there. He came back to pick her up. She couldn't help but compare him to Eren, and the times when she was upset and Eren asked what was wrong. Whenever she refused to tell him, he'd just shout at her and leave her alone. He wouldn't come back to check on her. He wouldn't ask her if she was okay._

_He wouldn't care nor act like he did._

_But Levi did._

_"_**I said 'Get in.'**_" __He insisted and she complied. She opened the door of his car, to find he was laying his jacket on the front seat for her to sit on without getting the seat wet. __**He was a clean-freak**__, she remembered. "_**Put the jacket on till you get home.**_" __**Huh? **__She assumed wrong. "_**Hurry up.**_"_

_Mikasa closed the umbrella and handed it back to him. He placed it behind his seat as she held the jacket in her hand while sitting and closing the door. She put the jacket over her shoulders, and he began driving._

_"_**Where's your home at?**_" __He asked._

_"_**I don't want to go home.**_" __She wasn't ready yet to see his face, Eren._

_"_**Where do you want to go?**_"_

_"_**I haven't decided yet.**_"_

_"_**Okay. Let me know once you've decided.**_" __Levi decided to head to his apartment, without waiting for Mikasa to give him an answer she would never give, obviously. His eyes kept peeking at her every once and then. She seemed to be in deep thoughts and he hated to break the silence for her, thinking she was probably coming to conclusions in her head._

_Silence was important to solve the problems, something he, of all people, understood most because of his position as a math teacher._

_When the car stopped, it was parked in the garage of the building. Mikasa needed a couple of seconds before realizing the car wasn't moving anymore. She lifted her head and looked through the window, then looked over at her teacher who was already stepping out._

_"_**Are you going to stay in there?**_" __He leaned down to get a view of her face while asking, and she opened the door and stepped out of the car. "_**Come.**_" __He walked ahead towards the elevator, and she followed him silently._

_They entered the elevator and stayed cage in deep quietness, till the sound of the door opening broke them free. Mikasa followed her teacher's step in the long corridor, till they came to a stop once finally standing in front of his apartment. He pulled the keys out of his pocket and opened the door, inviting her in._

_She made herself comfortable and walked in as if this wasn't her first visit to her teacher's place. There was a strange, undefined scent that tickled her nostrils at the entrance, and she soon recognized it to be the scent of mint, mint and lemon. It was nice, kept the air fresh._

_The more she explored the house the more she had a better view of how well-organized her teacher was. Everything was in place, clean and bright. The furniture looked so fancy, too. She was satisfied just by looking at it._

_"_**I'll get you something to wear. The bathroom's on your left.**_" __He addressed her while walking to his room. She turned left and saw the bathroom's door open, easing her way to it. She walked in and stood in front of the mirror. She rarely took time to stare at herself in the mirror. The only times when she would were the ones when she was brushing her hair in the morning, or drying her hair with the towel for a couple of seconds._

_She looked at her reflection, and all she could see was a hopeless, broken girl. Her eyebrows pointed down, sticking a glare on her face. Her lips arched, creating a frown. Her hair was drenched and was drawing trails along her face from the still vivid drops running through it._

_She looked so lost. She realized and felt it, piercing through her like lightning. But she was glad, because her eyes were finally open to this image. How long had she been blinded from it?_

_"_**Here, you can take a shower if you want. Just make sure not to pour water all over the floor and put your clothes in the laundry basket.**_" __He guided her, left the clothes and the towel he brought on the door hanger, then walked out and closed the door behind him. Mikasa was still figuring out a way to understand his change of attitude. How had he changed from an insufferable midget to a nice guy. Or perhaps he had always been a nice guy? Perhaps she was blurred from seeing his true self until now, just like she was blurred from seeing her true self._

_Mikasa pulled her cell out and shut it down. She undressed herself, and with each piece of clothing she removed, a piece of her old self was discarded, until she was standing there naked._

_She made a step into the tub, and then joined her left leg with the other. Her fingers pressed to the solid surface of the faucet, turning it on. She was sprayed with water, and her head tilted up to let the water wash her face._

_Mikasa pulled herself to sit under the water spout, eyes flickering in an attempt to provide the water from reaching in. She folded her legs and brought her knees closer, using them to rest her chin on them._

_There were so many things she wanted to think through, countless things, a whole life, wrong decisions she had made, people she lost and others she gained. But so little time she got. She didn't know why she felt in a rush, though. Why was it that she never had time to think? Why was it that no matter what she did, she had to finish it quickly, because she didn't have time…What did she have time for then? Other than thinking about Eren, and her growing feelings for him, the pain he was causing her, and the times she had swallowed it and forgave him, the countless words that hurt her when hearing from him. Being pushed away by her love ones was hell, and her silence was the fire that kept it torrid._

_She was so defenseless against him. She'd let him hurt her, but never would she ever let him get hurt. She'd protect him with her life. Heck, she'd bury her love for him with her own hands if needed to, but what for? What was she going to get in return? Rejection? More Pain?_

**_Why?_**_She wondered, knowing her question would never get answered, but she still wondered. If she didn't have an answer, then who would? If she didn't know why she was doing all of that for his sake, then who would?_

_She was hurt, and thinking hurt even worse._

_She got up and washed herself. It was cold, the weather was cold and so was life, and today they conspired against her. They aimed to freeze her in and out._

**_Lemons…_**_There was lemon scent again, but not quite the same as she smelled when entering the place. __**Lemon-scented cake? **__It was filling up the air, and she inhaled, so deep, the nostalgic scent. Never would she forget that scent, when her mother was making a cake in the kitchen, and 9-year-old Mikasa was watching her from behind. She couldn't see her face because she was facing her back, but she heard her faint voice "_**You love this cake a lot, don't you, honey?**_" __She replied with a yes, and her mother giggled. But right when she was about to turn around, the memory ended, and there was only a 16-year-old Mikasa, standing in the bathtub alone._

_But the smell was still there. It wasn't an illusion._

_Quickly, she stepped out of the tub and grabbed the towel from the hanger, drying her body. She wore her underwear and the oversized shirt Levi brought her. She picked the clothes she came with from the floor and put them into the laundry basket as told. Wrapping a towel around her shoulder to dry her hair, she walked out of the bathroom, following the lemon scent. It came from the kitchen. She saw her teacher there, making coffee, and she saw the cake in the oven._

_"_**Do you like tea? Or is coffee enough?****_"_**_He turned around to ask. She was leaning against the counter, then decided to sit down._

_"_**Coffee is good.**_" __She didn't know he could cook, but to come and think of it, he lived alone, and he wouldn't be living on snacks, not him, the clean-freak. She should have guessed he cooked, but again, she didn't know a lot of things about him. He was just her math teacher anyway. It wasn't of her interests._

_"_**I hope you didn't make a mess in my shower. I wouldn't want to be your teacher outside of school too.**_" __He put the pot on fire and turned. "_**Unless you'd pay for it.**_"_

_"_**Thank you…for your ****_sudden_**** kindness, Mr. Levi. But it was your choice to bring me here, bear with me a little.**_" __She sneered._

_Levi smirked, taking a seat opposite to her, "_**Sudden? Allow me to tell you, as a teacher, I never saw kindness a successful way of teaching. You'd only get students rebelling and neglecting their studies, which I will never allow in my class. Other teachers are free to do whatever the fuck they want.**_"_

**_Did he just curse? _**_"_**Did you just curse?**_"_

_There was silence and intense staring for a moment, "_**Whatever, we're not at school, so stop acting like it. I already said I'm not doing my job outside too.**_"_

_"_**If you hate your job then why did you become a teacher?**_" __It was rather awkward since he was complaining now._

_"_**Because my parents thought I should learn how to behave better and treat kids like they were humans.**_"_

_"_**Kids? We're 16 and above.**_" __He thought of them as kids?_

_"_**What? You don't expect me to go teach 6-year-olds, do you? I'm 35, not senile. And then I would have probably done the exact opposite of what I was supposed to do, resulting in me ending up in jail because of hitting a child.**_"_

_"_**You…talk a lot, don't you?**_" __It was fascinating, somewhat, to hear her teacher talk that much and express himself._

_"_**What do you mean? I always talk a lot. You just never talked to me before to know.**_" __He got a point. Until today, Mikasa had always hated him, talked negatively about him, cursed him countless times in silence, but today was the first she could spend this much time without cursing him. She didn't see a reason to anyway. He was nice to her, offered her his umbrella and a drive, allowed her to use his bathroom and gave her clothes. He was so nice to her._

_"_**You didn't seem like the type of person who likes to talk.**_" __She admitted._

_"_**Is there something you want to talk about?**_" __His question seemed to be mocking, but was honest. He would really love to talk to her, but she probably had no idea. "…_**as long as it's not about math.**_" __He added with a pointed look._

_She smiled unnoticeably, "_**I don't know…**_" __There were a lot of things she wanted to talk about. Perhaps her teacher would help her understand the things she couldn't understand herself. She needed a mature opinion indeed, but she didn't have anyone to go to._

_"_**Why were you crying?**_" __Levi got up to check the coffee and the cake. She used that moment to come up with something to say, rather than telling him the boy she was in love with confessed he had feelings for another girl._

_"_**You'll probably think it's…childish.**_" __He wouldn't be wrong. It really sounded childish in her head._

_"_**If it's something like 'My crush has a girlfriend' then yes, it is absolutely childish.**_" __He stole the words from her lips, leaving her speechless._

**_Was it that obvious?_**

_Her silence did give him an answer. He probably guessed correctly, "_**I'd rather not have one of my smartest students crying over such things. You should understand that a girl like you doesn't necessarily need a guy in her life to succeed. All you need is yourself, and that's it. Look at me for example. I'm 35, never really dated anyone, yet I'm having a great life.**_"_

_"_**You think your life is successful? I mean…you don't seem to love your job that much…**_"_

_"_**That's not my point. You never really get what you want, Mikasa. But you should never let that be the reason for you to stop and give in.**_" __He turned the stove off, and placed the pot on the counter. "_**You're going to sound like a fucking 5-year-old who'd cry when they don't get the thing they want, and won't shut up about it.**_"_

_She frowned, realizing how dumb she must have sounded to him, how childish and immature._

_"_**And let me say…If it's Eren…then I assure you he's never worth crying for.**_"_

_It felt as if he was reading her mind. Even though he said he didn't want to do his job outside of school, he was doubtlessly studying her features, analyzing the meaning behind her every move. She felt insecure and secure at the same time. He hated his job, but he was doing it nevertheless, teaching her about life._

_Why did she never realize he was a great teacher before?_

_In the end, she should be thankful to Eren. If it wasn't for him to break her heart, she would have never seen this side of her teacher. She would have missed so much without knowing._

_She was thankful to Eren, because if it wasn't for him to break her heart, she would have probably never learned that her life didn't depend on him, that she was the owner of her own choices, that she could lead her life the way she wanted, that she didn't need a guy to stand up and walk._

_It was funny, though. Because as much as she wanted to believe that, it was thanks to Levi that she learned it. Thanks to a guy she supposedly didn't need to live. She needed him to teach her that she didn't need anyone._

_And life had her once again caged in confusion._

_"_**The cake is baked, at last. Come here and help me out serve the coffee.**_" __He called for her, putting the gloves on before opening the oven to take out the cake. Its smell was filling the air, the same smell it held when her mother made it, and the nostalgia made her feel welcomed in this home. She left her seat and walked around the counter to get to him and help. That was enough to cure her broken heart, to show her the different meanings of love, which could be found in the simplest things, just like this lemon pound cake, a small thing which had her whole childhood caged in there. Memories of lost innocence—or not so lost, but her soul which found safety with a man she didn't know much about, but would love to._

_TBC_

* * *

**A/N: **Thanks for reading. Let me know your thoughts c:


End file.
